Kids love to sing.  That’s why creative elementary teachers have so many songs at their fingertips – songs about history, songs about books, songs from other countries, songs about Bible stories, songs that help us remember things.  Songs help kids stay focused.  Singing together creates group-learning.  And, let’s face it, singing’s fun, especially for the youngest learners who haven’t become self-conscious yet.  The louder the better.  That’s the only rule they know.

I’ve written about kids singing.  There’s something joyful about seeing a bunch of kids singing to their hearts’ content.  I’ll bet each of us adults can remember the lyrics of TV commercials for long-gone, useless products long after we’ve forgotten, say, the Pythagorean Theorem or the causes of the War of 1812. 

So why not use songs to help kids learn their math?  Math, more than any other subject, can make some kids anxious and reticent.  (More on this in future blogs.)  And it certainly tops the list of the homework-helping subjects parents are the least confident about.  The company I work for, Sylvan Learning, sees it every day in our centers.  (“I just can’t help with the math anymore!  Help!”)

There’s lots of musical help out there for parents and kids who want to make learning math easier.  Here’s an example from a website I like .  “Numbers Everywhere” is simple, fun, and effective.  It’s catchy and “sticky,” meaning it will stay in your kids’ minds (and yours, too – one of the parental occupational hazards) as they become aware of numbers that surround them every day. 

Just like the alphabet song lets them recognize letters and words that surround them every day.

Here’s another one.  Mr. R’s World of Math and Science has fun songs you can listen to or download.  Songs about addition, subtraction, multiplication facts, counting by tens, place values, even simple geometry. 

Here are a half-dozen reasons why you should at least consider singing about math with your kids. 

1. Singing helps them pay attention.  Music gets our attention, and that’s the first step in learning.  I’m all for trying whatever gets kids’ attention and holds it.
2. Singing helps them stay engaged.  When kids are learning together, they’re always motivated by how their peers are doing.  Singing together – whether it’s with their friends and classmates or with you at home – lets them feel a part of a group of learners.
3. Singing helps them remember facts.  Familiar songs cement words and concepts in our minds.  A teacher told me once she loved to watch the kids lip synching as they worked individually on their math.  “They were singing the songs in their heads.”  Whatever works.
4. Singing is fun.  Nothing wrong with injecting a little enjoyment into learning.  When kids associate a good time with their classroom learning and their study time at home, they’re motivated for more learning, primed for new skills, and on the road to increased confidence.
5. Singing is creative.  More often than not even the least math-oriented kids become little Einsteins when they’re encouraged to make up silly – but factual – lyrics to math songs.  When you’re helping him study for his long division quiz, ask him to explain the process, then both of you put the process into song.  Use favorite melodies – Mary Had a Little Lamb, The Farmer in the Dell, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, hip hop.  Whatever works, remember?
6. Singing uses rhythm.  Kids react to rhythm.  It’s elemental and moving.  I’ve written before about the teacher who taught his kids their spelling words by having them jump rope.  The rhythm of the jumping helped them learn the words. Same for singing.

Of course, if you want to break out that old guitar you haven’t touched in years and accompany the kids in full-throated math song, feel free.  Like I’ve said, whatever works.

It’s no coincidence that the newest Mars space explorer from NASA is named Curiosity . There’s not a characteristic more suited to learning than curiosity – the inquisitive and eager interest that leads to inquiry, discovery, and learning.  Curious kids become quick and hungry learners.

Just watch kids who discover new interests – Legos, sports, music, fashion, cars, animals, technology, cooking, movies – and see how they are taken with learning as much as they can.  Young adolescents especially.  Middle-schoolers are marked by discovering new interests seemingly every other day, becoming obsessed, then quickly dropping them to move on to others.  That’s normal. 

It’s important to start early to build that eager inquisitiveness.  What better gift to children than their coming from a family who values and encourages learning! 

Here are some ways to build curiosity in children.  I’ve learned these from years of teaching kids and working with their parents.  Tweak them to make them work for your family.

1. Read.  Funny how reading with your kids is the first tip for just about all kinds of learning.  We don’t call it the fundamental skill for nothing, you know.  Read to them, read with them.  You read, then he reads.  Establish reading as a pleasurable, fun activity, a time for the two of you to share.  Widen the range of books as kids get older.  Start with interesting storybooks, then move on to books about other things as their interests grow.
2. Have an adventure.  Nothing like an adventure to stimulate interests.  Take walks.  Go to a zoo.  Visit a museum.  See a play.  Attend a concert.  Take in a ball game.  Go camping.  None of these needs to cost a lot of money.  Check out the internet for free or inexpensive options in your community.
3. Encourage questions.  Kids ask questions.  Any parent or teacher can – sometimes wearily – attest to that.  To encourage further thought, answer questions with questions.  “That’s a good question, Holden.  Where do you think the goldfish in the pond go during the winter?” 
4. Have routines.  One of my favorite themes, as regular readers can attest .  Routines help kids feel safe, secure, and ready for what comes next.  Curiosity grows when kids feel safe, secure, and ready to ask questions.  They’ll feel confident to participate in class.  Anxiety thwarts expressions of curiosity.  Confidence, on the other hand, promotes them.
5. Recognize your child’s curiosity.  Each kid expresses curiosity differently.  Some are active, hands-on, and loud.  They can’t wait to roll up their sleeves and get involved.  Others are more introspective, preferring first to observe quietly on the side before acting.  Know the various ways your children express their curiosity.
6. Explore.  Use all five senses.  See interesting exhibits at unusual museums.  Smell the autumn air on a hike in the woods.  Taste the spaghetti you’ve made together.  Listen to some new music together.  Feel how the butterfly stroke is different from the back stroke.  Explorations are nothing more than classrooms away from school.
7. Investigate.  “Let’s find out why . . .” is a great answer to kids’ more difficult questions.  I learned a long, long time ago that I can’t possibly answer every question kids ask.  Learning to say, “I don’t know.  Let’s find out why together” was one of the best things I ever learned and led to many an exploit.
8. Be a role model.  Like every other behavior we want our kids to exhibit, we have to do it, too.  If we want our kids to read, to be math efficient, to share, to behave, to be kind – then we have to read, compute, share, behave, and be kind.  They do what we do more than they do what we say .
9. Play imaginatively.  Support kids’ imaginative play.  Free-play (supervised, of course) is an important part of childhood.  Kids learn to socialize, to set rules, to play by those rules, to respect the talents and needs of others, to take turns, and to be members of teams when they play.  Let them be imaginative in their play so their interests can find expression and grow.
10. Discover.  Kids love to discover new things, new talents, and new interests.  Shared discovery is best.  Encourage them to be part of teams, to learn with friends, and, of course, study buddies .  Shared discoveries enable kids to learn, succeed, occasionally stumble, and re-group – together.  It’s always easier when someone has your back, right?

Curious kids make curious adults, those fortunate folks who embrace lifelong learning, keep their minds and bodies active, and stay involved with lots of interests and one or two passions.  Get kids started early.  Life is short, and there’s so much to do!

For the past couple of posts, we’ve been concentrating on teaching kids certain crucial social skills, talents that will serve them well as they learn to make friends, as they’re in school, and as they work as adults. 

First we discussed teaching kids how to apologize.  Then, how to accept an apology .  Followed by how to give a compliment .  And today, how to accept a compliment.  Seems lots of kids don’t know how to respond when someone says, “Nice job at the concert, Elijah!” or “What a pretty sweater, Bethany.” 

A blank stare, mute shoe-gazing, or ignoring nice comments just won’t cut it.

When they learn to compliment they’re learning to recognize the talents of others, to appreciate their friends and classmates, and to think of other people besides themselves.  When others give them a compliment, it’s useful and respectful to acknowledge it.

So, in the spirit of arming our kids with the simple know-how of making it through a day with confidence and maybe even a little poise, here are a half dozen or so suggestions that can help.

1. Recognize a compliment.  When someone says something nice, it’s good to see it as the little gift it is.  And since we’ve already taught them to say thank-you when they receive a gift, it’s perfectly natural to expect the same words now.
2. Start early.  Teach kids to say a simple thank-you when they receive the gift of a compliment.  For shy kids, just those two words are perfectly acceptable.  As they gain more confidence, a few more words will be easier.  “Thank you.  I worked hard on practicing my clarinet.”  Or, “Thank you, my mom gave me this sweater for Christmas.  It’s one of my favorites.” 
3. Be a role model.  Let kids see you graciously acknowledging compliments.  This doesn’t have to be a big production, just a natural part of daily living.  When they see you doing this with ease and simple words, they’ll get the hang of it.
4. Make eye contact.  This is a hard skill for some kids to learn, but it usually gets easier as they get older.  Especially if it’s your expectation.  Tell them to look someone in the eye when they’re talking to them – it shows respect and interest. 
5. Smile.  We smile when we get gifts, right?  So, smile when someone’s said something nice to us.  It shows that we’re grateful and we appreciate the other person’s thoughtfulness.  For especially bashful children, at the very least a charming, shy smile will do for the time being.  Shy kids want confidence-building skills.
6. Be sincere.  You don’t have to fall all over yourself with flowery words, but the words should show sincerity.  That’s why a smile and a thank-you are just right.  They show you mean it.
7. See the innocence.  Some people, let’s admit it, are suspicious of compliments.  Some of us can’t help but wonder what that other person has up his sleeve.  Why’s he being so nice?  Kids are too young to be cynical.  Don’t teach them suspicion.

Just like teaching kids how to give compliments, accepting them doesn’t have to be a big deal.  In fact, it shouldn’t be.  Expressing our admiration to others and saying thank you to those who do it for us are just common, daily courtesies that show our friends and classmates that we care for and respect them.  Just regular life skills that smooth the way in a complicated world.  It’s that simple.

Recently in the Dr. Rick Blog we’ve been discussing kids’ social skills, specifically the skills of making and accepting apologies.  Today and Monday let’s extend these social skills – what used to be called “social graces” or “manners” – to giving and accepting compliments.

Knowing how and when to give a compliment can be one of the most important social skills.  Kids who learn how to compliment are also learning other things, like recognizing the talents, efforts, and behaviors of others.  Like showing appreciation.  Like being able to think of others besides themselves.

Giving compliments may not come naturally to kids, so it’s up to us parents, teachers, coaches, and other important adults in their lives to make it a useful and sincere life habit.  After all, everyone likes a compliment.  And for kids learning how to make friends , a compliment is one method to smooth the way.

Here are some tips to help teach kids how to give a compliment.

1. Think of it as giving a gift.  A compliment is a small and timely gift.  Show kids that when they say something complimentary to someone, they’re giving that person a little gift.  “Way to go at the spelling bee, Max!”
2. Recognize something good.  Compliments are appropriate when you see something praiseworthy.  We are surrounded by good things all the time, and it’s a special person who’s able to recognize them.  Complimenting may not be as easy as complaining but it’s much, much easier to be around.  “Nice catch, Joe!”
3. Be genuine.  Don’t give a compliment if you don’t feel it.  (Same as with an apology, remember?)  People can sense an insincere compliment a mile away.  “Nice science fair project, Jarcene.  Almost as good as mine.”
4. Be specific.  Let the receiver of your “gift” know specifically what you’re pleased about.  “You did a really nice job with your art class portrait.  I especially like the way you drew the jumping horse.”
5. Make eye contact.  This can be difficult, especially for shy kids.  But making eye contact shows sincerity and a personal connection.  This is particularly important when you’d like to strike up a friendship.  “You’re a good soccer player, Marco.  Want to join us now?”
6. Practice.  All good skills require practice.  The more we practice, the better we get.  Just like playing a sport or musical instrument.  When you’re taking your shy child to a social gathering where she’s likely to meet new people, for example, remind her that a little compliment can relieve the shyness, build some confidence, and get the day off to a good start.   
7. Start early.  Kids who are taught early the social niceties of a pleasant compliment have a leg up on kids who aren’t.  Eliminate awkward moments by showing kids how to be complimentary. 
8. Don’t overdo it.   Kids can detect a false compliment faster than they can detect a phony braggart.  I’ve seen plenty of adults hand out unearned compliments in the name of “self-esteem” and by doing so create kids suspicious of what we say.  A well-earned compliment is priceless.  A false one is valueless.
9. Be a role model.  Let kids see you complimenting others when you’re pleased.  “This dessert is delicious, Grandma.  We love peach pie, don’t we, Sarabeth?”
10. Stay positive.  No matter what good skill you’re trying to teach, always stay positive.  Sometimes your child will be quick to recognize a few of the good things around him, sometimes he won’t notice a kindness if it’s right under his nose.  Stay with it.

Knowing how and when to give sincere, timely compliments can be the difference between a future leader and a future wanna-be leader.  Between the one people want to work with and the one people want to avoid.  Between the effective team captain and the one people merely tolerate.  Let’s give our kids all the skills they need to be successful.

In the last Dr. Rick Blog , we discussed the importance of teaching kids the fine art of the timely and sincere apology.  It’s a life skill that prepares kids to be sensitive to the needs of others, to take responsibility for their actions, and to instill a certain amount of discipline into their lives.  Learning to apologize is a talent that serves us flawed humans well.  We mess up from time to time, and we need to know how to clean up our messes.

Accepting apologies is every bit as important.  It’s the corresponding skill to apologizing.  If our kids know how to apologize and accept the apologies of others, we’ll have given them a leg up in navigating the complexities life will throw at them.

A playmate has made fun of Alexandra.  A classmate has gotten Thomas in trouble during math class.  On the school playground, Caden takes a fall because of a buddy’s over-eager friskiness.  Alexandra, Thomas, and Caden each get an apology.  Now what?

Accepting apologies, like giving them, takes some training. 

Here are seven suggestions we can tell our kids about making friends again with those who are good enough to apologize to them, followed by three suggestions for you adults.

1. Be strong.  Remember, forgiveness is a strength.  Giving our kids as many strengths as we can will help prepare them for life.  Being able to forgive someone who presents a sincere apology makes your child a stronger person.
2. Listen carefully.  Listen to what the apologizer is saying.  Acknowledge that this may be difficult for her, too. 
3. Be gracious.  Accepting a sincere apology means listening carefully and with respect.  No insults or humiliation allowed – that just cheapens you and minimizes the apology, which just escalates the problem and makes everyone feel worse.
4. Give your point of view.  After listening, it’s okay to say, respectfully, that you were hurt and that you hope this won’t happen again. 
5. See an apology as a gift.  An apologizer is giving you a chance to be friends again.  Accept a sincere apology as the gift it is.  Even if it takes a while to forget the reason for the apology in the first place.
6. You’ll know if it’s sincere.  It’s not difficult to tell when an apologizer is trying to weasel out.  A sincere apology doesn’t try to shift blame, doesn’t make excuses, doesn’t minimize.  Don’t worry, you’ll be able to tell.
7. Don’t make a big deal.  If the apology is sincere, accept it and move on.
8. Be a role model for your kids.  Like everything else we want our kids to learn, we must model good behavior for them to emulate.  When someone apologizes to you, show how you handle the situation with understanding.
9. Talk to your kids about apologies.  Talk about the benefits of apologizing and accepting apologies.  Tell about times you’ve forgiven.  Tell about times you’ve been forgiven.  Even – especially – if those times were difficult.
10. Stay positive for your kids.  Everything good we try to teach our kids – good study habits, proper behavior, charity, setting goals, sportsmanship – will have times of success and times of setbacks.  Relish the successes.  Move through the setbacks.

Apologies don’t have to be a major part of childhood, but there will be times when they surely will crop up.  Grab the teachable moment, make the most of it, then move on. 

Because just around the next corner will be yet another teachable moment on a completely different topic.  Parents and teachers must be forever on the lookout.  Our kids need us.

On the school playground Amayah says something hurtful to her friend.  Sean is a little too aggressive toward a smaller soccer opponent.  Derrick sneaks a spitwad at Paul.  In the classroom Olivia whispers a rumor about Anna, which, of course Anna gets wind of.  Connor breaks David’s red crayon.  At home, Maureen doesn’t complete her after-dinner chores. 

Every day presents a host of little human interactions that cry out for one of the most useful – and inevitable – skills we can teach our kids. 

How to apologize.

Making a sincere apology, a deliberate expression of remorse, takes discipline, but it’s as productive as it is difficult.  Like any important skill, it takes practice and some sensitivity.  When to apologize?  How?

Kids learn how to make and keep friends early.  When they learn that their behavior toward others is equally as important as others’ behavior toward them, they’re learning a useful lesson about a complicated human issue.  It involves respect, responsibility, and a certain awareness of the feelings and needs of others. 

So, start early.

Here are ten things you can tell kids about when and how to apologize.

1. Recognize when you’re wrong.  Everyone messes up from time to time.   People who tell you that apologizing is a sign of weakness don’t know the first thing about life.  Pay no attention to these people.  When you make a mistake – either by doing something you shouldn’t or by not doing something you should – be strong and accept responsibility.  “I really shouldn’t have spread that rumor about Anna.  It hurt her feelings.”
2. Step up.  Again, this takes guts.  Take responsibility and admit what you did was wrong.  Say it simply and humbly.  (Humility is a character trait in dangerously short supply nowadays.  In my humble opinion.)  “Anna, I made a big mistake when I said those mean things about you.  I was wrong.  I’m sorry.”
3. Make it timely.  When you’ve messed up, make it right as soon as possible.  Apologizing is rarely easy, but the longer you wait the tougher it will be.  Hard feelings build up quickly. 
4. Say it nicely.  You don’t have to be Shakespeare, just yourself.  Keep it simple, using honest words that come from your heart.  Recognize that you may have hurt someone.  “Anna, I must have hurt you with my blockheaded behavior.  I hope you’ll accept my apology.”
5. Write it nicely.  Sometimes, for a particularly wayward act, a written apology is okay, especially if it’s a follow-up to a spoken one.  It can show that you really, really mean it.  No texting.  No email.  Going to the trouble of writing on nice paper shows effort and determination.
6. Mean it. Sincerity, another trait in dangerously short supply, is sweet and disarming.  When we mean what we say, we’re building a reputation for honesty and straightforwardness. 
7. Don’t wiggle.  Trying to make excuses, justify, or wiggle out of your apology just makes you look slimy.  When you say, “Anna, I’m sorry if you felt bad for what I said,” you’re not really apologizing.  You’re just putting the responsibility on Anna.  Cheap and sneaky.  Making statements with “wiggle room” is for people who shouldn’t be listened to, let alone trusted.
8. Change.  After you’ve apologized to Anna, make a silent promise to yourself that you’re going to do better from now on.
9. Let it go.  Once you’ve made your simple, sincere apology, go on with your life.  It may take Anna a little time to forgive and forget, but give her plenty of chances to see that you’re a person of your word.
10. Learn from the experience.  What have you learned?  Maybe it’s that no one’s perfect, that we all make mistakes occasionally, and that the difference between a strong person and a coward is a sincere apology.  Maybe it’s some self-reflection to choose a different course of action next time.  Maybe it’s gaining the skills that will make life a little easier later.

We parents and teachers can help kids by showing them how and when to apologize.  When we notice behaviors that call out for apologies – that spitwad on the playground, the aggressive soccer behavior – we can arrange a quiet, isolated apology right away to build the habit and instill the expectation.  It’s up to us.

Next time, the logical follow-up to this.  Teaching kids how to accept an apology.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about the importance of parents’ being involved in their children’s learning .  I referred to a recent study that confirmed what we parents and teachers already know – that kids do better when we’re actively involved in their learning, when we read with them, when we show a lively interest in their school activities, and when we talk with them daily about interesting topics.

Parents matter.

And parents who encourage reading matter most.  It’s the fundamental skill, remember?

We’ve discussed reading many, many times in the Dr. Rick Blog.  (Type “reading” in the search field at the right and you’ll find past blog postings.)  Now’s as good a time as any, as the new year gets underway, to reinforce our commitment to reading with our kids.

So, here are twelve reminders of ways to encourage our kids to keep up their reading.  Few things we do for our kids are as valuable.

1.    Remember, it’s our job.  It’s our job as parents and teachers to get our kids interested in reading early.  Before they even go to school.  Kids who come to school from homes where reading is valued and encouraged, where adults read to kids, where books and magazines are present, and where conversation is free and relaxed arrive with a tremendous leg up over kids who don’t.

2.   Make the library a special place.  Kids love going to the library.  The more they go, the more grown-up they feel, especially if they have their own library cards.  Give them some guidance, but also give them plenty of opportunity to make their own choices.

3.  Go online for ideas.  There are lots of websites for kids’ book choices.  ReadKiddoRead is excellent.  Oprah Winfrey is, unsurprisingly and beneficially in the act with her Kids Reading List – Oprah. And Book Adventure  is a veteran, happily motivating kids to read for over a decade.

4.   D.E.A.R.  Drop Everything and Read  is a national reading motivation program that encourages exactly what its name says.  I’ve seen it in action in schools all over the U.S.  When kids are cheered on to read what they find interesting, they respond.

5. Be a role model.  Show kids that reading is an important part of your life, too.  Let them see you reading often.  For information, for directions to do something, or for the pure enjoyment.

6.   Support reading.  When your school or local library has a children’s reading activity, show your support.  Let the folks at school know that you’re a reading advocate and that you expect your kids to be doing lots of interesting, informative, and fun reading.

7.   Read aloud.  Kids love to have you read to them .  They also love to show off their reading skills by reading for you.  Take advantage of their enthusiasm.

8.  Do seasonal reading.  Read about favorite sports during their seasons.  Read about religious holidays at their proper times.  Read about historical events during anniversaries.  Read about popular, new movie releases at their premieres.  Don’t forget about summer reading when school’s out.

9.  Reward reading.  Have reasonable and easy rewards for meeting reading goals.  Finished the first chapter book?  The long brain stretcher?  The fourth book by a favorite author?  Go out for a special treat, just the two of you, without siblings.  Make it a special time.

10.  Read as a family.  It’s so easy to schedule family reading night.  Take a half-hour – or longer if you want – and everyone brings a favorite book.  Read favorite parts aloud.  Serve chocolate chip cookies.  Enjoy one another’s company.

11. Tell about your favorites.  Spend some time telling kids about your favorite childhood books.  You’ll be surprised at how interested they’ll be.  They may even want to see what those Hardy Boys are up to if you make it compelling enough.

12.  Read the book.  Watch the movie.  Few things make kids feel more “superior” than comparing and contrasting a movie to the book it’s based upon.  “That’s not the way it was in the book!”  Let them explain the differences, talk about why a director made those changes, and then talk about which version they preferred.

It’s really not difficult to instill a love of reading and, therefore, learning if we start early enough, if we’re good role models, and if we support lots of reading choices.  Kids will amaze themselves at how much they discover about the world and about themselves.  And they’ll find their school reading (and other language arts like writing, speaking, and listening) becoming stronger, too.

Everyone wins.

Teachers and parents have long known that when we focus kids’ attention, we can affect not only their learning but their moods, too.  When the classroom gets antsy and noisy, nothing quiets down restless kids faster than a compelling story dynamically read.  At home, when “We’re bored” turns into mischief, focusing their attention on an interesting project – chocolate chip cookie-making, say – can quickly restore peace.

So can writing out happy thoughts.  About two years ago the Dr. Rick Blog discussed the pleasures and bounties of gratitude journals, a simple and effective routine for kids to focus them on the good things in their lives.  (Readers have told me that gratitude journals cut down on the occasional whine, too.)  Journals don’t have to be fancy or formal, and kids can write about anything they’re grateful for.  The journals can be private or public, and kids can be as creative as they want.  It’s the act of gratitude that counts, not the format.

Well, it turns out these simple journals not only focus our attention on something positive, they help us feel better, too.  Recent research bears it out.   Psychologists have long known that the positive emotion of gratitude puts us in better moods.

Want to help kids cut down on the whining, connect to others, become more alert, and make those angry outbursts much less frequent?  Keeping a gratitude journal – daily, weekly – can help.

Here are some ways to start this peaceful routine.

1. Show that you’re grateful, too.  Kids do what we do.  When they see us taking time to thank others, to reflect on the good things that occur in our lives, they “catch” the gratitude bug.
2. Make it routine.  Routines, as my regular readers know, are important in kids’ lives.  When we make something routine – a peaceful bedtime, a regular homework time, a family mealtime, playful friends’ time – we show its importance in our lives.  So, why not take a few minutes – mealtimes and bedtimes are ideal – to chat about the events and people we’re grateful for today?
3. Keep a journal.  Call it a gratitude journal, “My Favorite Things,” or “Happy Stuff.”  Doesn’t matter.  Just write a few minutes regularly.  I’ve seen lots of families who keep a family journal.  Each member of the family writes a little something (or draws a little something) each day.  This will make a happy keepsake someday.  “I improved my spelling test score today.”  “We had mac-n-cheese for lunch today.  Yum!”  “My team won in relay races during phys ed today.”  “I volunteered in math class and got the answer right.”  “Big sister Meghan helped me with my social studies homework.  That was nice.”
4. Encourage saying “thank you.”  When something good happens, encourage him to think about the folks who helped him.  A simple thank you to a coach who helped him learn a special move, to a tutor who helped him master a certain skill, a friend who motivated him to do better in a favorite activity.  Nothing better than a sincere thank you – especially when it’s unexpected.
5. Talk about what you’re grateful for.  Another chance to be a good role model.  Tell her about special people in your life who’ve helped you along the way – that special teacher who took an interest in your progress, the guidance counselor who prodded you to do better, the minister who guided you spiritually, the relative who showed you the way. 

When we’re grateful we’re sharing our good feelings, raising our moods, improving our attitudes, and showing others we’re capable of thinking of someone other than ourselves.  That’s a pretty good lesson to give to kids.  They’ll thank you for it. 

Eventually. 

I stayed after school the other day at the invitation of some pretty excited kids who were eager – that’s putting it mildly – to show me their creations in the Engineering Club, or as the kids call it, the “Lego Club.”

They had forts, flying fighter planes, houses, small cities, fire stations, rockets, even a school playground.  They were in various stages of completion and resemblance to their intended outcomes, but, my goodness, were these kids having fun!  They were all talking at once, each thrusting a project my way or pulling me toward one, each explaining his or her work.  I had to plead happily, “One at a time!  I’ll get to them all.”

It was another example, as if we needed one, that hands-on, involved, and interesting learning really gets kids moving.

I’ve written before about kids building stuff.  Building blocks, Legos, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, magnetic construction sets, K’Nex toys, Crazy Strawz, and Erector Sets are just a few of the popular and useful toys for those kids who enjoy indulging their creativity. 

As I watched these youngsters excitedly create, my teacher-brain noticed things I’d never share with the kids for fear of having them think that what they were doing was actually good for them, educational even. 

But I’ll share my thoughts with you.

1. They were solving problems.  Each project presented unexpected challenges.  Not enough construction pieces.  Not planned well enough.  Too hastily done.  (“Haste makes waste,” I can hear my old man saying years ago.)  The kids had to solve their predicaments.
2. They were exercising their creativity.  “What if we could make it shoot X-rays!”  “What if we could have a moat with alligators!”  “What about a pole the fire fighters could slide down!”  And they’re off and running, feeding off one another’s creative ideas.
3. They were following directions.  They listened to their more skilled buddies who shared their experiences and techniques.  “No, Alex, try it this way.”
4. They were working in teams.  No one assigned the kids to teams; they just naturally formed partnerships and groups that met everyone’s needs.  They were learning the power of shared strengths and goals.
5. They were doing math.  They were counting, measuring, adding, and subtracting.  “I have sixty-seven blocks.  Can I make this fort two feet high?”
6. They were indulging their inquisitiveness.  Curiosity is an amazing thing to watch.  We adults learn to keep our “helpful” suggestions to ourselves and just watch their little brains working. 
7. They were enjoying friendly competition.  Those natural-forming teams just as naturally started friendly competition with their classmates.  “We can make our fort bigger than yours!  Feast your eyes on this look-out tower!”  (“Feast your eyes.”  I love it.)
8. They were expanding their interests.  Even if they don’t realize it yet, they’re fostering an interest in science, technology, engineering, math (yes, STEM), architecture, and aeronautics, among others.
9. They were expanding their skills.  They were learning about organizing, planning, patterns, proportions, design, measurement, and working together.
10. They were having a ball.  Nothing makes the heart of a parent or teacher happier than seeing kids learning and enjoying themselves at the same time.  It’s pretty darn cool when it happens. 

There’s something for us adults to learn, too.  Despite all the planning of lessons and experiences, despite all the field trips and interactive worksheets, despite all the pedagogy and family advice we read, there’s nothing like kids taking their learning and fun into their own hands and showing us how it’s done!

Everyone’s in a rush.  We dash from here to there, our schedules packed with work, school, grocery shopping, errands, play dates, and activities.  We’re always running late.  With all this haring around, with all the reminders to, “Hurry up!  We’re going to be late,” is it any wonder our kids think “greased lightning” is the only speed for life?  That they don’t know how to slow down?  That they don’t know what patience is, let alone that it’s a virtue?

Look what we’re doing to them.

I notice the littlest ones in schools – interrupting each other and teachers, literally tugging adults’ clothes to get attention, trying to get ahead in lunch lines, unwilling to wait for a turn in a recess game.  They’re not naughty; they just don’t know any other way.

Patience is a virtue, yes, but it’s also so much more.  It brings calm, reduces anxiety, and smoothes the way in life.  It’s a good lesson for kids to learn.  Some kids come by it naturally.  Most don’t.  They need to learn it.

Here are some ways to help kids learn the value of patience.

1. Be a role model. Like just about everything else we want them to learn – reading, organizing themselves, keeping their rooms relatively straight, being respectful, valuing learning – we have to show that we’re walking the walk.When they see us yelling at strangers in frustrated impatience, they’re getting a pretty clear message. Remember, don’t give a sermon, be a sermon.
2. Start young.  Again, just like every other good habit and attitude, start them young.  So much easier than trying to teach patience to a teen-ager who’s gotten his own immediate way for years.
3. Show what you do when you’re frustrated.  Impatience is normal.  We all get frustrated from time to time.  Things go wrong.  We’re not always – or ever – in control.  Instead of losing it, show kids how you cope.  Taking a break for a minute or two is the easiest way.  Counting to ten.  Stretching.  Singing a song.  Saying a quick prayer.  We all have our little coping strategies.  Share them.  (Smoking a cigarette is -- Do I have to say it? – off limits.)
4. Listen and explain.  Listen carefully and with patience when she’s chafing and demanding.  “I know you’re eager, honey, but here’s why we have to wait a little bit . . .”  Repeat when necessary.  Use the same words if you have to.  Ask her to explain.
5. Help solve problems.  Help him figure out how to solve frustrating problems that cause impatience, rather than solving them for him immediately.  Our initial inclination, I know, is to fix things right away.  Easier.  But if we create little problem solvers, they’ll eventually have the independence to fix their own impatience.
6. Be prepared.  When you know you’re going to be in a situation that will pose a predicament – the waiting room of a pediatrician’s office, say, or a car repair place – come prepared with a snack, some games, or coloring books, or a favorite toy or two.
7. Teach about time.  For the youngest ones, show how long a minute is.  Tell about the second and minute hands on a clock.  Use a kitchen timer – you use it when he’s studying for his spelling test, why not use it now?  For older kids, keep a calendar handy.  The old stand-by of breaking down big jobs into smaller, manageable tasks is always effective.
8. Distract their attention.  This works particularly well with young kids.  Tell a story.  Sing a song.  Point out something interesting.  Come to think of it, it works with older kids, too.  Just takes more creativity.
9. Teach how to take turns.  Taking turns in games and sports feels natural for kids.  There’s a sense of fairness about taking turns.  And there can also be some fun in watching what the other players are doing as we’re waiting.  So, give them plenty of chances to learn.  Play board games and activities that need players to take turns. 
10. Keep your own schedule.  Always in a hurry?  No wonder your kid is, too.  Try to stay organized, to leave in plenty of time, to get up on schedule, to keep the rush to a minimum.  Remember, they do what we do.  If we’re always in a run-and-a-fall-down, they will be, too.

It won’t always work.  Sometimes schedules get quirky, occasionally tempers flare, and we’re human after all.  But if we keep on trying to live as calmly and patiently as we can, our kids will see that mad rushes don’t have to be the only way to live.  The important thing is they see us trying.  Then they will, too. 

Even when we don’t win, it’s best to be caught trying.